Humor: Things that can Kill Salvadorans Faster than the Coronavirus

Sometimes there is just so much stuff in the news that is serious, we need to take a moment to have a laugh.

The young woman with whom I work in the sister church office had received, from a mutual friend, a list of things that could kill Salvadorans faster than the Coronavirus.  She read them to me out loud at work today, and we were both really cracking up.  When I got home today, I read them to my husband, who did not crack up at all.  Since some of these have slang words, I thought it might be interesting to see what would happen if I popped this list into Google Translate.  The translated list was funny.  To me.

Maybe you will read this and get a chuckle, or maybe you will read this and just scratch your head.  I figure if it gives you even one laugh in the midst of lots of serious news, it is a story worth posting.  I couldn't find the origin of this list, but someone out there deserves the credit.

Also, as of this moment, the virus known as COVID-19 has not yet arrived in El Salvador.

So, here are the things that can kill a Salvadoran faster than the Coronavirus will:

Original - Google Translation - Actual Translation - Ahogarse con una semilla de jocote - drown with a jocote seed - choke on a jocote seed (if you have ever eaten a jocote, then you will get this one)

- Que te levante una Coaster - let you lift a Coaster - getting on a Coaster (big bus)

- Que nunca te atiendan de otra dolencia a tiempo en el ISSS - Never be treated for another medical condition in time at the ISSS - Waiting in line forever at the clinic for some other condition and never being seen (and yes, ISSS is the Seguro clinic, the one for people with insurance)

- Que te de curso el cóctel de conchas - Let the cocktail of shells take you - Being given a course (as in at dinner) of a conch cocktail

- De una picadura de zancudo - of a mosquito bite - (as in dengue, zika, etc.)

- Del mal de ojo - the evil eye - (well this goes without saying)

- Irte de culo subido al árbol bajando mangos - Leave your ass up the tree lowering mangoes - Fall on your keister while climbing a tree to get mangos

- Atravesarte la calle en plena hora pico - Cross the street during peak hours - (Let's just agree that cross the street any time is risky but Salvadorans often do it in dark clothing at night, running across the street halfway, standing in the middle and yes, this is very dangerous.)

- Poniendole el curtido mosqueado a las pupusas - Putting the tanned musky to the pupusas - (Yes, this is actually what Google said) Putting curtido which has had flies on it onto your pupusas

- Viendo si el mortero soplado todavía prende - Seeing if the mortar blown still ignites - Seeing if the firework that you burned still ignites

- El silbador de algún pendejo - The whistle of some asshole - (Again, what???) - Hanging onto one of those whistler fireworks

- Que se te reviente la hamaca - Let the hammock burst - When your hammock breaks

- Que te vayas de culo de la cama del pick up - That you leave the ass of the bed of the pick up - That you leave the bed of the pick-up by falling on your heinie

- Del primer huacalazo de agua en una mañana de diciembre - From the first water container on a December morning - (You know, it is cold in December in El Salvador, so when you dump that first bucket of water on yourself to shower in the morning, it will kill you.)

- De un par de balazos al aire del vecino soviético - Of a pair of bullets in the air of the Soviet neighbor - From a pair of bullets shot into the air by your leftist neighbor

- Tomando agua helada después del atol de elote - Drinking ice water after corn atoll - Drinking cold water after drinking corn atoll (hot corn milk)

- Tomando guaro adulterado - Taking adulterated guaro - Drinking doctored hooch

- Irte en una alcantarilla sin tapadera - Go into a sewer without a cover - (As in, falling into a storm sewer or sanitary sewer because people steal the covers off of these and the holes are gigantic - big enough for a person to just fall right in or for your car to fall in and break an axel.)

- Ahogado de tanto Baygón que le echaron a la cuca voladora - Drowned of so much Baygón that they threw the flying cuckoo - Choking on a ton of Baygon (bug spray) fumes that you sprayed on the flying cockroach (You die.  The Cockroach lives.)

- Por tomar agua de chorro de ANDA - For drinking ANDA jet water - By drinking ANDA water from the faucet (El Salvador's municipal water system)

- Atropellado por un carro con calcomanía del taber - Run over by a car with taber decal - (So who knew that Taber made decals - lots of racing decals)

- Irte de culumbrón en la acera nacida de la lluvia - Leave Culumbrón on the sidewalk born of rain - Slip on the mossy surface of the sidewalk when it just starts to rain

- Comerte los frijoles que se te olvidó meter a la refri - Eat the beans you forgot to put in the fridge - (No, just leave them cooking over a low fire for a few days, they are fine.)

- Hablar mal de Nayib frente a golondrinos - Speak badly about Nayib in front of the swallows - (The swallows are the political party of Nayib Bukele - El Salvador's President)


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